Chuck Norris Vs. Mario
All of the earth held their breath. The spectacle was about to start. A storm churned above Time Sq.New York, as if nature herself had come to witness the great event. The city had been abandoned in worry, however that did not cease every man, lady, and baby from huddling around their Television screens to observe the dwell streaming of this colossal second.
A Clash of Titans.
A Battle for the Ages.
A War between two nice Powers.
The ultimate Showdown.
The cameras zoomed in on a short, thick figure, approaching from the one aspect of the road. He wore dirty overalls and a white shirt over his bulging, muscular frame. Thick brows and a darkish mustache framed his face. A red hat was cocked sideways on his head, a strong M emblazoned in its front.
A pre-recorded voice sounds over every speaker.
“Introducing, the Defender of Mushroom Kingdom, Bane of Bowser, Husband of Princess Peach, The Nintendo OG, Super MARIO!!!”
Internationally, individuals cheered. In stadiums, town squares, dwelling rooms, inns, and waiting rooms, they roared their approval.
Mario executed a majestic front-flip, then winked on the digital camera. As one, each woman on Earth swooned.
The cameras then changed their focus to a different man, coming from the opposite route. He wore a brown vest and ripped blue jeans. His highly effective eyes glared out from beneath the brim of his cowboy hat. A goatee of pure power bristled along his stone-set face.
The ladies began to swoon as soon as more.
“Introducing, the Walker Texas Ranger! Inventor of the Spherical Home Kick! Undefeated martial arts warrior! 77 time recipient of the Manliest Man Alive Award. The man who created the Grand Canyon simply by skydiving…Roadhouse…CHUCK Stone Island Clothes NORRIS!!”
Norris pulled a machine gun from beneath his jacket and leveled it at Mario.
“BEGIN!!” The voice roared.
Mario took off at an uncannily fast dash, running headlong into the barrage of bullets coming in his route. With ridiculous agility, he leaped within the air and continued to run upon the metallic, impossibly hopping from spherical to spherical with out slowing in tempo. With one last flip he brought his fist across Chuck’s chin.
Norris took the blow just like the man he is, then, grabbing Mario by the wrist, spun and hurled him by way of the window of a nearby car. He open fired, and the bullets collided with the plumber as he began to scramble to his ft.
Fortunately, the rounds struck Mario within the mustache, which caught them, absorbing the steel. A stream of fire leaped from the man’s small hands, roaring toward Norris. Nonetheless, upon seeing the ranger’s powerful demise glare, the blaze parted round him, and burned the constructing behind him to the bottom as a substitute.
“Let’s go.” Grunted the gruff American hero.
The 2 titans charged, their fists colliding with one another in the middle of the street. The ensuing shock wave that emanated forth flattened the entirety of recent York Metropolis and shattered each pane of glass on the planet. Internationally, people panicked as their Television’s erupted into millions of pieces as they looked on in terror.
To the mortal eye, what adopted next was a violent blur of brown and crimson, a horrible flaming twister of chaotic battle. Were the viewer one way or the other capable of seeing sights a thousand, nay, a million occasions faster than the common eye, then he would observe the best match-up that ever occurred. Norris’ martial arts superiority was evident, his perfect kicks, punches and throws adopted one after the other with ridiculous smoothness. However Tremendous Mario was a creature of speed and agility. He leaped and flipped about with a practiced quickness that would put any gymnast to absolute disgrace. He rained highly effective strike after powerful strike throughout his whirlwind of movement.
Chuck narrowed his eyes and calculated the plumber’s flight path. He spun on his heel and launched the signature roundhouse kick. A sonic boom rang out as the foot collided with Mario and broke the sound barrier simultaneously.
Before the Defender of Mushroom Kingdom may blink he was soaring head over heels above the Atlantic Ocean, the new York coastline fading away. With a flick of Mario’s will, his trusty purple cap sprouted eagle’s wings. He turned in a loop and sped back in the direction of the town.
He had almost reached Ellis Island when he saw his opponent riding a Killer Whale in his direction, shaking his fist defiantly as he rode the waves. Mario circled, launching fireball after fireball on the foe beneath. The fireplace barely singed Norris’ jacket (and didn’t do a thing to his sponsored stone island soft shell r hat Levi’s blue jeans), however the whale screamed in agony and sunk in the flames. Chuck jumped from the creatures back, kung fu position assumed, he hurtled straight towards Mario four hundred ft up.
With a roar, Mario changed his fist to steel and struck Norris, sending him into the crown of the Statue of Liberty (and ensuing within the demise of your complete monument). But, by no means lacking a step, the mighty Texas Ranger shortly started to hurl rubble and debris within the flying Italian’s path. The torch found its mark, and Mario hit the bottom.
The little plumber crawled out of the outlet style snow-angel he’d created upon impact, his large, hairy chest was now uncovered as his ripped overalls fell off his smoking type. Groping by way of his pockets, he found half a dozen smashed mushrooms in a zip lock bag. He popped the entirety of it in his mouth, chewing up the plastic and fungi alike together with his titanium teeth.,
Norris emerged from the rubble epically. Seeing Mario had misplaced his shirt, he too shed his vest, revealing that excellent physique that only Complete Gym House Workout Station can produce. Of course, he didn’t take away his cowboy hat.
The mushrooms shortly did their work on Mario, and he started to grow in dimension at an alarming charge. Even Chuck stood in awe for a second because the formerly small man grew to fifty ft tall. The fireballs on his arms have been the scale of houses. The ground crackled beneath his feet.
However his opponent was not yet finished. With an epic whinny, a horse appeared beneath Norris. The man gave an American yell and galloped ahead to satisfy the large.
What followed cannot be properly described by phrase, written or verbal. How can such a battle be spoken of Shall I inform of the way the rider struck the gigantic Mario’s knees Or of how he skilfully evaded blasts of heat Shall I communicate of how, defying all laws of physics, he galloped up the facet of his opponent’s physique Or perhaps how Mario then seized horse and rider, hurling them towards the sea. That was the end of the steed, but Norris gave a magnificent jump and collided with the gigantic sternum, swinging from chest hair to chest hair as he struck each exposed inch of skin.
Lastly, with a scream of pain, Mario reverted to regular size, and both men hit the ground.
Birds started to circle round Ellis Island, as did the clouds. Lightning flashed overhead.
Chuck drew a looking knife.
Mario withdrew a hulking warhammer of bronze.
The plumber wielded the hammer as if it weighed nothing. He spun and jumped, spinning and placing with the deadly instrument. Seven times his instrument of doom fell, and seven occasions Norris was slammed with energy equal to that of a nuclear blast…simply sufficient to dent his abs of steel. In response, he gashed at Mario along with his blade, carving a number of bloody furrows into his arms and shoulders.
By some likelihood the knife and hammer made contact, and both shattered. The earth trembled.
“It’s-a-oveer” Hissed Mario in his Italian Dialect, “You are-a-beaten. I am invincible.”
“Prove it, punk.” Spat Norris.
Mario reached up in the direction of the heavens, and the sky cut up in two. Above him circled twelve blazing balls of energy: the mighty Star Spirits. Lightning descends, overwhelming the small plumber. A moment passes, and in place of the small man is a churning mass of energy, reflecting every colour, imaginable or in any other case. A hideous form of melody ground itself into existence from the very air itself. The being Mario had become crackled with invincibility.
But Chuck had a few tips up his own sleeve.
With a roar, he took off at full pace. His dash was so fast that he was in a position to run across the planet and roundhouse kick himself within the again, imbuing him with strength indescribable.
“I AM The great CHUCK!!!”
“IT’S A ME! A-MARIO!!”
The force of the bellows ended it…not the duel…the earth. The planet erupted from the power overload. The ambiance was ripped apart by pure sound. Everybody perished…everybody that’s, save Mario and Chuck Norris.
All matter on the earth began to swirl round the two combatants as they met as soon as extra. A cosmic arena of pure celestial hearth blazed into existence. The universe itself bent inward, as if it have been a bowl, and the battle had been its bottom. All of reality rushed downward in direction of the two. A black hole of grinding, infinite mass was sucked in a surreal sphere round the two beings. Light distorted itself because the cosmic spectacle reached a climax.
Now we really attain a point the place no human can cross. The may displayed there would put the gods of Olympus themselves to shame.
The two moved with speed unnatural, incomprehensible. Should you saw this sight, O reader, you would be instantly blinded with the sheer scope of the occasion.
After which, unexpectedly, the universe may not comprise it. Actuality itself tore, shattered, splintered apart on the very seams. All that’s, was, and ever will likely be was made into a gigantic black hole.
Each males fell into the warp, the lightning flickering about them fading into nothingness. The horrible music and gentle from Mario vanished. Norris’ cowboy hat was incinerated. Both fell right into a vat of gravitational destruction.
All was silence.
After which, for centuries, for millenia, for time unknown, both infinite and on the spot as warped by the common anomalies, there was nothing.
The black gap exploded. A brand new universe formed. Earth was recreated, every man girl and little one returned to their actual position as earlier than the battle, with no memory of it, nothing was left to commemorate the battle save a black gap
And forth from the black hole rode a lone determine on a horse.
He wore a jacket and blue denims, a Smith and Weston revolver at his side. On his head was a rugged cowboy hat. On his face, the manliest goatee of all.